I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
where does the pee come out of this thing
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
