so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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