That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
