she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I AM VODKA MAN
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
