Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize