Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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