We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
