'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
