He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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