Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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