I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
