Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
