and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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