i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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