So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
