It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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