You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
