Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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