he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
