I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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