id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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