I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
