Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
