if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We have started to decorate penises.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
