my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
