I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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