Tell her she can't have a vagina
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
