Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
