U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
