totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
