Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
