i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
