You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
