He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize