Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
