You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
