Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
