I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
why is half of my head shaved?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.đź’¨
Randomize
