So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
