I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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