I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
