hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
