Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize