Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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