those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
