Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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