there was a trapeze. enough said
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They took my balls.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
