the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
