I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
