the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's even glitter on my cock...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
