I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
