That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
