what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
