just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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