I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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