Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
