Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No...this little piggys going to the bar
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
