I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
