Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
