I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
its liver damage thursday
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
