I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
