Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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