Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
