There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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