You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
