If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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