So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
