It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
