he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
