So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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