I hope mine doesn't look like that
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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