Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
