Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize