This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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